I tried to commit suicide via overdose+cutting on the 22nd, and I was taken to a psychiatric hospital on the 23rd.
I was in there until October 3rd, and I just now have access to my laptop!
I’m back, I’m on meds, and I’m feeling better.
My blog will probably be more about recovery now, from my depression, anxiety, bulimia, cutting, and handling Borderline Personality Disorder.
AKA i’ve relapsed on so many things that i skipped my therapist appointment because i was so ashamed.
i can’t wear shorts because i’ve cut so much that my legs look like i got they stuck in a blender.
i have to load on the bracelets because my wrists have the semblance of being beaten with a hammer. (rubber band snapping in public places)
i can barely eat because i’m so stressed out.
when i do eat, even normal amounts, i vomit.
AND EVERYONE IS BOUNCING BETWEEN “ILY <3” AND “FUCK YOUBITCH” AT ME AND IDK WTF IS GOING ON.
i hate everyone and i’m going to get in the bath at 2AM and try to resist the urge to continue shredding my legs.
i need to get to the fucking therapist and get on some crazy meds to keep me from exploding.
I just. Have not been having the best few days. Due to the ffact that I missed my therapy appointment, I am not yet medicated.
But I am away from my house (comforting plushies) and razors (comforting in a bad way)
I am trapped in this bubble of grey. Nothing gets in, nothing gets out. Not even my best friend understands why I barely smile.
I am so full of emotions (frightened that I like Charlie, anger at my friend who is ignoring me, depression sadness) but I also feel completely hollow.
I’m never home, so no binges to make it temporarily go away.
Ugh. I’ve reduced myself to staring blankly at an alleyway wall while I snap a rubberband against my wrists until they ressemble hamburger.
I want to be normal.
I want to feel happy